Sunday 24 March 2013

The Beginning

My life is about to change - again.
It's been in a constant state of flux for 7 years now - and shows no sign of slowing.
Not that I am complaining - just stating a fact. And I blame my hubby. Ever since my husband came into my life in June of 2006, it has been one rollercoaster loop after another. He changed my life overnight, and it has to be acknowledged - infinitely for the better...
He changed me into a fiancée, a wife, a Mum, all the while making me laugh and holding my hand as we fly down the latest loop of our roller coaster life....

To say that my life as a Mum of two little girls, holding down a full time job is hectic, might be a understatement. I am very good at washing clothes, but inevitably, once clean, they join the evergrowing floor-robe or spare-room-bed-robe. There is just no time ( let's be honest - inclination) to put clothes away. I feed my family good meals - but if my husband wasn't the expert dishwasher stacker that he is, I probably would have resorted to using paper plates by now. The tiles are falling off in our shower, which makes me think it's pointless cleaning them - and only pull the  shower cleaner out when I notice I am showering with other less mobile life forms.

I struggle with an enormous amount of working-mother guilt. I carry it around with me everywhere so that it is readily available for me to reach out and beat myself over the head with or stab myself through the heart with. I constantly feel like I am not doing anything in my life to the best of my abilities - not as a parent, not as an employee, not as a wife. I don't sleep as well as I used to, I don't dress as well as I used to. I have regrowth more often than not, and my make up expired about 4 years ago. My house is not tidy and the last time I filed anything away was one night about 9 months ago in a paper filing frenzy.  I am terrible at staying in touch with my friends and the only reason I know what's going on in people's lives is my daily stalk of their Facebook pages. I ache to do things better, to be a better Mum, a better friend, a better wife. 

And so, getting back to the original point, my life is about to change. 
Hubby is being posted in Mid-August. So we are on the move again - and this time, we are off overseas. Two years in Ottawa, Canada. I am excited - not just for the change in location but what it means for us as a family. For two years I get to be what I have longed for - a stay at home Mum. I know it won't all be rosy glow I imagine. But I am hoping that I am able to make the most out of this most precious gift - that I can find some wonder amid the chaos. 

It is still 4 months until we leave. 3 months of full time work. 4 months of increased house renovation / house packing up chaos. 4 months of carrying that guilt around on my back. But the load feels somewhat lighter with the end goal insight.... 

Ottawa

J x