Sunday 24 March 2013

The Beginning

My life is about to change - again.
It's been in a constant state of flux for 7 years now - and shows no sign of slowing.
Not that I am complaining - just stating a fact. And I blame my hubby. Ever since my husband came into my life in June of 2006, it has been one rollercoaster loop after another. He changed my life overnight, and it has to be acknowledged - infinitely for the better...
He changed me into a fiancée, a wife, a Mum, all the while making me laugh and holding my hand as we fly down the latest loop of our roller coaster life....

To say that my life as a Mum of two little girls, holding down a full time job is hectic, might be a understatement. I am very good at washing clothes, but inevitably, once clean, they join the evergrowing floor-robe or spare-room-bed-robe. There is just no time ( let's be honest - inclination) to put clothes away. I feed my family good meals - but if my husband wasn't the expert dishwasher stacker that he is, I probably would have resorted to using paper plates by now. The tiles are falling off in our shower, which makes me think it's pointless cleaning them - and only pull the  shower cleaner out when I notice I am showering with other less mobile life forms.

I struggle with an enormous amount of working-mother guilt. I carry it around with me everywhere so that it is readily available for me to reach out and beat myself over the head with or stab myself through the heart with. I constantly feel like I am not doing anything in my life to the best of my abilities - not as a parent, not as an employee, not as a wife. I don't sleep as well as I used to, I don't dress as well as I used to. I have regrowth more often than not, and my make up expired about 4 years ago. My house is not tidy and the last time I filed anything away was one night about 9 months ago in a paper filing frenzy.  I am terrible at staying in touch with my friends and the only reason I know what's going on in people's lives is my daily stalk of their Facebook pages. I ache to do things better, to be a better Mum, a better friend, a better wife. 

And so, getting back to the original point, my life is about to change. 
Hubby is being posted in Mid-August. So we are on the move again - and this time, we are off overseas. Two years in Ottawa, Canada. I am excited - not just for the change in location but what it means for us as a family. For two years I get to be what I have longed for - a stay at home Mum. I know it won't all be rosy glow I imagine. But I am hoping that I am able to make the most out of this most precious gift - that I can find some wonder amid the chaos. 

It is still 4 months until we leave. 3 months of full time work. 4 months of increased house renovation / house packing up chaos. 4 months of carrying that guilt around on my back. But the load feels somewhat lighter with the end goal insight.... 

Ottawa

J x

12 comments:

  1. And now settled into Canada? Nice introduction!

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    1. Thankyou! Yes, we arrived 3 weeks ago. Still finding our feet and move into our permanent home for the next two years on Friday :)

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  2. I see you what you mean about the similarities with us!! Apart from the whole moving to Canada thing of which I'm very jealous. Are you still there now? Looking forward to following your journey.

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    1. Renee, we arrived 3 weeks ago, so the journey has only just begun! We have spent 3 weeks in a 2 bedroom apartment - so I KNOW you can appreciate the cabin fever that comes with 2 little girls in an area with no playgrounds and no toys! We move into our house on Friday, get our shipment of belongings from Australia and then life can get back to *normal* :)

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  3. Wow Jen, what an exciting adventure. You are so much braver than me, I don't think I could do this, and certainly not with little people. Hopefully when your belongings arrive and you can see some of your own things around you (and space to play!), the cabin fever for you and the girls will ease. Have bookmarked you to follow your adventure, great first post

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  4. I'm pleased to have found you. Lots of similarities, except for the excitement of moving to a new country and getting to be a stay at home mum, which I have never really been, and occassionally find myself wishing I was....
    I look forward to continuing to read your blog.

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  5. I hope you're settling in well. What a momentous life change - and there's nothing like a momentous life change for bloggy inspiration :)

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  6. I'd love to visit Canada one day. Hope you've settled in there and are loving it. xo

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  7. Wow, what an amazing opportunity for your little family. I don't envy you the unpacking though. Although I am sure you will be glad to settle in and have all of your own things again.

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  8. Will be interested to read what you make of Canada. It seems like Australia in a lot of ways (but not the winters!) And, of course, Joe Hockey over there is the man in the street, rather than a politician.

    Importantly, have you started saying "right" (with a rising inflection) at the end of your sentences yet? I believe it is hard not to, right?

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  9. it's a big move heading to the other side of the world, I'm sure you'll have a ball.

    (at least there are no horrible snakes over there!)

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  10. I so get the whole working mother guilt thing - I feel it every single day but I am learning to live with it and try to just get on to be the best mother I can be. So envious of your new adventure - I hope being a SAHM will be the rosy, less stressful and rewarding change that it promises to be for you and your family. Enjoy the adventure!

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