Every night, before I go to bed, I check on each of my daughters.
The Eldest never has her blankets on. Wrapped around her, under her, on top of her, will be an assortment of objects, treasured for those few moments before sleep envelops her. Tonight it was a set of Dora playing cards, a shoe and my wedding handbag stuffed with her favourite shirt. Each night, I gently unwrap her limbs from the objects, easing them out from under her. Each night she stirs, slight jerky movements, before rolling over, sighing and returning to blissful slumber, whilst I restore her sheets and doona to their place of providing her warmth for the night ahead...
The Youngest, always has her sleeping bag unzipped, legs legs sprawled, with a foot or hand reaching through the bars of her cot. She never stirs as I re-zip her back into her sleeping bag, oblivious to my hands gently rolling her onto her side, returning 'pink bunny' to her arms to prevent a mid-night cry for 'mumma' followed by 'bunny'...
I used to spend a few moments, as I did this, reflecting back on their day just passed, but lately I have found myself too tired and spent. But tonight, I found myself returning to patterns of old. As I settled them in for the night, I thought back on today.
How they started the day, snuggled in bed with me, demanding story after story, heads on my shoulders, arms resting on my belly...
How they sat on the floor, The Eldest and The Youngest, surfing YouTube for Nursery Rhymes. How they found a new song, unfamiliar but instantly beloved, and the sounds of their two voices together, working out the lyrics and delighting in their ability to replay the song over and over again...
How the favourite game for ten minutes was to run from one side of the room to Mumma and shower her with energetic kisses and cuddles, shouting 'I love you' (The Eldest) 'Arvoo' (The Youngest)...
How my heart melted, watching The Youngest walk through a shopping centre willingly holding her Father's hand. The warmth of The Eldest's hand as she willingly held mine.
Moments defined because they are older and wiser than yesterday but younger and more innocent than tomorrow. My beautiful babies.
For a few months now, I have been drowning in my own fatigue, work related stress, anxiety and depression. And for the past two weeks, as I set myself on a path towards healing, I have been overwhelmed by the support of my family and my many many beautiful friends. Your words of comfort, willingness to listen, arms of support have helped me on the road to recovery.
Without you, I would still be wrapped up in fatigue, to tired to truly appreciate the moments I had today with my girls. For that I am grateful. For that I am blessed.
J x
Pleased to hear you were able to enjoy those precious moments again today. Go gently. Hugs. Lx
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