Friday, 31 May 2013

A Letter to The Eldest

I haven't written for three weeks - partly for lack of time, but mostly for my time and thoughts being occupied with my daughters - mainly The Eldest, who is going through a bit of a troubling time. So it has been hard to find time and inspiration to write.

 Four years ago today, my life changed forever with her arrival, and so, this week, I am writing for her, to her.

To my darling baby girl,

Four years ago Daddy and I's life changed and became the best of lives that we could have asked for. You were six days overdue and irrationally,  I was worried that you didn't want to come out and meet me - now I know that you approach a lot of things in life with gentleness, some reservation, a need to know that we are not far away and that everything is going to be ok.

Right from the time we brought you home from hospital, you loved to be held, to snuggle and thrived on affection. You would sleep for hours in the arms of your Mummy and Daddy and other members of your family. You were much happier being held to sleep than anything else. I loved lying in bed with you in my arms, breathing in your beautiful baby smell. I loved the little snuffles and sounds that you made. After a while you loved to snuggle up with Bear Bear, Di Doo and Josey, and wouldn't sleep without them. I love that you still love Bear Bear so much that you still can't sleep without him. I know that he will be your beloved childhood toy, just like my pink puppy is still mine - even if you do think his lack of an ear, crazy stitches and threadbare belly makes him a strange toy for Mumma to love. I love that you still love my cuddles, tell me you love me a hundred times a day and need snuggles every night before you go to bed. I love the feel of your little arms around my neck, the smell of your hair, and the feel of your breath on my neck. I know these snuggles won't last forever, so I love every single one you give me. They are more precious than gold.

I love that everyday you make me cups of tea, endless servings of toast, cake, chicken dinners, all lovingly prepared in your kitchen, served with a great deal of enthusiasm and that you watch me to make sure I consume all that you have prepared. I love that you take my order with a pen and notepad, so that you don't forget what I want.

I love that you are often transformed into the Mummy, that I am transformed into the child care teachers and that I have to look after your 'darlings' as you go off to work. Your imagination is a wonderful thing to behold and I am astounded by how much of your everyday life you enjoy role playing, the concepts you explore and the worlds you create.

I love that when you were two, you would refer to yourself in the third person as 'Honey'. Honey is tired. Honey wants a bottle. Honey wants Bear Bears. That's Honey's. And I love that you think of the children people have as 'The Darlings'. That you have taken our words of affection for you, and transferred them to the world is general, to me is delightful.

I love that you believe the moon loves you, which is why it follows you wherever you go. I am sorry that I cannot explain to you in words you can understand, about the revolution of the earth and it's relationship to the moon. I understand it myself, but I still think it would be better if you asked your father.

I love that your memory is so amazing. Your ability to recall the events of your life, minor, random moments, is something This tired old Mumma wishes she could tap into. You keep us on our toes, and I am learning not to make random promises, as you are developing the knack of reminding me about them, long after I have forgotten the conversation ever took place.

I love that you still are not happy about having to wait until you are 17 to be able to drive. I will never forgot those mornings when you had just turned 3, and you sobbed because I wouldn't let you drive the car. Now you recognise L plates and P plates, and are still unhappy about having to wait so long. But honey, I'm pretty sure I will blink and all of a sudden you'll be behind the wheel and I'll wonder where all of that time went.

I love watching the relationship grow between you and your sister. It was the most endearing of moments this morning, when your sister was hurt and all she wanted was you to comfort her. Watching you take care of you sister when she is upset or hurt, melts my heart. You are a sensitive, caring little girl and I hope you never lose that beautiful part of you.

You are growing up so fast! It is hard to believe that four years has slipped by as fast as it has. I delight in watching you grow - your intelligence, insatiable curiosity, tenderness, gentleness and beauty. I love the new steps forward you make every day.You are the greatest thing I have ever done in my life. I am proud of the little girl you are growing up to be.

I love you to the moon and back my gorgeous, amazing precious girl.

Happy Birthday,

Love Mumma xxx


  1. Uh! Tear to the eye, Jen!

    1. I know - which is why I have consumed a few glasses of red in the process.